looking inwards, looking outwards

it is what it is

back from vacation. i think i left my heart up north.

tomorrow is back to reality. tomorrow i keep my emotions in check and business a priority.

alkaline trio and bayside. yep. i’m going!

life can be crazy. and you’ll find yourself in situations or places you never expected to be. things you never expected to do. and sometimes life is calm and you just go with the flow.

ive reached this state of being that i cant quite describe. its not all bad and its not all good

i’m going to run a 5k on february 2nd. there’s no maybe. there’s no “if i have the time.” my friend paid for my entry already. its a done deal. i’m in. i dont feel like half assing that shit. i’m pretty sure i can run a mile to maybe a mile and a quarter then i’d have to switch between walking/running. fuck that. i’m going at it like a boss. i wanna be able to run/jog the whole thing. i mean it’s 5k. in other words, 3.1 miles. that’s nothing! i’m gonna be pretty disappointed in myself if jog/run anything less than the 3.1. someone directed me to the couch to 5k program and it seems pretty decent. so i’m gonna go with that. 

if anyone has any tips or tricks or hints or anything, i would totally appreciate it. if not, i hope you’re at least rooting for me =)

unless they find the moleskin.

I can always count on you to be the optimistic one!

i havent written a legit post in quite some time. i havent really been purging everything ive been wanting to say either. everything ends up getting bottled up in some way shape or form. even the stuff i do say to the few people i trust/talk to still dont know absolutely everything. i dont want to do that to them and then most of the time i feel stupid for even trying to bring it up. i dont know why. i think i’m gonna go back to writing in my moleskin. sometimes the only person you can trust your thoughts to is yourself. sometimes not even then. it happens.

i upgraded my wallet, so i had to upgrade my life

i’m so excited and nervous and i have all this stuff i want to say but i dont want to say it yet until its really official. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh

but anyway, NEW YORK CITY IN A WEEK. 


except my mom isnt in nyc this time but it just makes perfect sense to say it anyway. EXCITE!

i’m going home in a few days. i’m excited and nervous all at the same time. i never plan my trips. i send out a few feelers for some people i would like to see and then see where that takes me. most of all, i like walking around. i see how my city has changed since the last time i’ve been there. i know i want to go to the tower memorial. the last time i was there, it was still fenced and there were still holes in nearby buildings. i’d like to pay my respect to the people that died that day, the buildings i grew up with, and the future we’ve somehow created from the tragedy of that day.

AND i’m trying not to freak out that i’m flying out on september 11th on american airlines. besides aside from the fact that i’m terrified of flying, and that i was still living at home when 9/11 happened. lets add those two factors as well. no, no, i’m not shitting bricks at all…..

trying not to think about that at all. been thinking instead of the things i want to get while i’m in nyc. a haircut would be awesome. i could go to my old salon and yes it was a little pricey but i got exactly what i paid for. awesomeness. i also need to get a new bar for my industrial. i have to resist the temptation for a tattoo or piercing though. the thing is, i’ll be able to go where i want when i want. everything will be within my reach and i can do as i please. i’ve been itching for new ink or a new hole in my body and i have every opportunity to get it if i so wish. lets see what i come back with this time!

i’m so sleepy for once but my hair looks so gross. i need to shower and i dont want to wake up extra early tomorrow morning….ughhhhhh. i wish someone would wash it for me while i slept. would that even be possible?